Rear View Mirror

Today while I was driving with Ava, I glanced in my rear view mirror at a stop sigh because she was babbling about something that was making her laugh, and I caught a glimpse of myself smiling back at her. Me, 33 years old looking at the face of my precious daughter, her big grin, so big in fact that her nose was all squished! I think this is what I had always hoped 33 would look like. Four amazing kids, a husband who believes he married up, me thinking the same about him, just living our life the best we know how, and learning and growing along every step of the way. Is our life perfect? No way, but this is our life, and I feel blessed beyond measure to have it. 

Maybe I'm just feeling over sentimental today. Yesterday I took down Ava's crib, and while I'm so excited to move forward in our parenting adventure, I'm sad to say good bye to the "baby" phase of our life. That crib has held all of my babies for thousands of nights while they dreamt and grew. That is the place I have gone to pick them up and rock them back to sleep if they woke in the night, and the place I scooped them up in the morning ready for the new day. I love my children. Who they were, and who they are becoming. Daily I laugh with them, talk with them, sometimes yell at them, but always they know they are loved. And I love that they are mine...well sort of. 

I don't know about others, but I often feel so inadequate at my abilities as a parent. I can't believe that Heavenly Father has in trusted me (and Chuck) with these amazing kids. I pray I am doing enough right.

So yes, this is me at 33, still no where close to perfect, still a crappy blogger, still trying to keep up with demands on me, and find the joy that is always there in my day. It may be a fleeting moment, a slobbery kiss, or an "please one more bed time story" plea, but it's there if I take the time to see it, just like I did today in my rear view mirror.

Love,
Lanna